the power of dreams.....my passion.....!!

dreams....ever since i was young.....i had dreams....but as u noe...dreams were ever changing all the time depending on our own mood and interest at dat point of time....but....as i grow up i slowly noticed my passion.....which became my dream.....my dream dat could be my ambition as well.......my very desire to do.....dat thing 4 life perhaps......

as i woke up yesterday morning.....several....not so pleasurable things happened.....well....life's liek dat.....which prompted me to look 4 part-time jobs.....considering the situation i'm in now....but this oso helped me coincidentally to actually hav found a forum which tells me more about achieving my dream.....reading this forum....i actually feel dat my dream would become......a reality itself....i poured my attention 4 the next 3 hours scouring thru the posts previous ppl had posted.......

i fulfilled every requirement needed.....almost all,xept 4 swimming(dunno swim......)....all i needed was the chance to get interview and pass all its test to be accepted.....i'd be more den willing to try out 4 it.....put my heart my passion my soul unto it......just so dat i can fulfill this dream of mine.....i'm willing to stop halfway on my engineering to pursue this if given the chance.....but there's so many doubts.....soooo many.....till i begin to doubt myself.....was it possible....i thought....all this years.....will this just stay as a dream 4 me??i will pray....pray hard....4 this chance to be mine.....to finally grasp the sky wif my own 2 hands....to feel....the meaning of 'freedom'...........mmmmmm..........!!

n so i decided to package everytin well enough 4 a good 1st impression.....mending my common looking resume....trying to find ways to excite it in a good format.....i'm so excited.....dat afta reading all the post....i hav no need for waiting 4 the intake to open....but just go n send ahead 1st 4 the interview and test....n possibly den if i pass i can wait till the next intake to enter.....i'm really praying dat this might actually work out.....n dat i can actually pass dat awfully hard test(or presumably so)...my dream cannot be taken down just liek this!!!bless me oh Lord~~!!!

MAS or Air Asia.....only 2 possibilities 4 me to apply.....as SQ only takes in their  'home' citizens....hmmm...actually air steward oso not bad geh if cannot be pilot....but air steward's job is so hectic....'service' kononnya.....i can c unappreciative and tak munasabah faces of the 'clients/customers' already.....sumtimes outrageously obnoxious!!air steward/stewardess are oso humans pls!!!dun make things hard 4 every1!!.....=.=""""".......humans ain't born perfect@@!!hopefully......pray dat i may succeed!!!my dream to fly!!!!!vrrrrroooooommmmm!!!!!seronoknya.....:P

2day is dreams day.....because as i was looking 4 part-time jobs.....i found something interesting.....hehe....atasteboutique.com as they call themselves.....they have liek so many creations of cakes!!so lovely!!nyaamm nyaamm~~!!!i have alwayz thought of becoming a pastry chef too!!!because i love to eat sweet things and c pretty things!!though i ain't good at art itself.....but i appreciate the beauty of pretty artworks!!just makes ur mouth drool and ur heart melts!!!but i din noe where to start.....and my parents wouldn't allow such things to happen....lolx....i guess...it's only possible to become my hobby baking sweet things liek cookies and cakes....T.T......try out atasteboutique.com....it's got many lovely designs on cakes.....gosh...i wanna work there int he kitchen....hehehe.......makes me wanna bake cookies already....gonna try out something this weekend......sumtin cheap....yet tasty!!!cooking n baking^^my favzz!!!


i personally love this!! coz it's pinkish and pretty(cute too!!)!!!:P
(www.atasteboutique.com)

engineering is so so not fitting 4 me....aizz...but the only choice 4 me....with/without interest.....i can only continue wif so lil passion....still amazed at how i can actually continue in a state liek this......but den.....so many years liao....gradually becoming better...lolx....mebe used to it d....study study oni loh.....aizz....helps me in applying for a CPL(Commercial Pilot License) coruse too...:P....helps me get a place easier without a big shot recommendation.....awww....but thiknig bout the debts i'm gonna hav to bear afta grad....oso dunno how...mebe work 1 year or so 1st....and 25 go apply....coz 26 is age limit.....T.T......so olllllddddd.................need save money d now.....jobs pls gimmeee......gimme jobsss pls......money and cash beta.....:P....let everytin go well plsss!!!!

songss!!-been listening much to instrumentals this day....OST from FF and hanazakiri kimi no tachi e!!it's been good....and found some rather good singers....but forgot the names and i'm not at my laptop now....writing from cendi...lolx.....anyway will post some up...soon....if i feel liek it....thx 4 reading newayz....:P

just end wif a simple prayer......
Lord help us in our ways...for we alone cannot bear to take our path by ourselves...less we make mistakes more and more till they becomes....unbearable.....guide us each day as we go along....in decisions we can't make or can make, guide us still and lead us to the path dat has been set right by You.Let us not falter to temptations or any wickedness and strengthen us to guard all evil....i pray for every1 dat they may all be bless abundantly according to Your will....Bless us all wif good health....Bless us all in everytin we do dat we do it right in Your eyes....Pray dat everytin goes well 4 me and every1 too.....Forgive us all 4 our wrongdoings and set us right from wrong.....Pray and thank you Lord.....In Jesus name....Amen!!

gathering!!

oh finally....after so many weeks serene has been in malaysia,only now we get to gather....though oni a total of 6 ppl gathered and 1 unknown to me....still it's good...haha...mebe having little ppl is beta oso...no need so....cramp i guess....lolx...

reached mun's hse at around 11 sumtin....poor amanda who's still waiting 4 mun to fetch her who happened to be waiting 4 us to reach his hse 1st...lolx.....omg...mun's dog is so cute...hahaha....the 1st thing i did was play wif his dog...hahaha....seriously damn cute weh....but alwayz keep bite n lick....mun can i borrow ur dog 4 a week????pretty pls??lolx...not much to do at 1st....coz still waiting 4 every1 to gather...so meanwhile me n jason prepared the snacks dat r about to be deep-fried later....can't believe he bought alphabetic nuggets...lolx....feel like small kidz only later when eat...haha....n den all the small details......blaa blaa....

ta-da!!amanda has reached!!lolx..n begins our small lil gathering wif chicken wings...alphabetic nuggets....kacang....wasabi peas and a bottle of chivas and red wine...!!ok...i dun really drink/like alcholic drinks...but den just to follow suit i had a lil only leh....so i was sober all the time....otherwise i'd miss the drunkard dramas of the night...lolx...oh we played poker too!using mahjong chips....1 chip is 50 sens...nice game....i got win!!fun fun...getting to bluff them even though i hav not exactly good cards...haha got 1 game i got notin at all...but i still win!...coz every1 fold...hahahaha......but poor me.....i get whacked by every1 on the thigh.....it's liek i can c hand prints on them....i'm sorry serene....4 putting my hand prints on urs....even leh...:P

by 5am most of them was drunk already......especially amanda....who started tokin funny already...she was tokin wierd....real wierd....haha damn farnee la....n neither she nor serene could walk properly.....serene bad r......do sum bad bad things...haha....but pray u may be forgiven....hahaha....by 6 am we're suppose to leave already....supposedly fetching serene back b4 her parents wake up as she's headed to church....but amanda kept wanting to play turtle....n when no 1 was able to bother her...she just kept saying play play play turtle....if not dun wan go back....lolx....1st time c she drunk till liek dat...

the 1st time din sleep 1 bit at all the whole night...lolx....okla...once a while is quite fun geh...hang around wif frens n all....lolx...n oso the 1st time no call to me on my phone....i guess 1st time is great at times eh.....sumore go eat dim sum at 8 sumtin.....but not nice de....aiz....i guess dat's about it leh.....serene wait u come back at the end of the year again den we gather lagi....we wun tell nick bout it...:P

i guess dat's bout it all....2molo going out wif jon they all.....rarely get to hang out leh....looking 4ward to it....some time off my so sien life.......aizz...hav to start studying d......din do anytin this 2 dayz except play.....cham cham......pray pray!!n my language bar is sumtin wrong...can't type jap.....sien....hungry....but fat...sobz....this post so random.....but dunno wat to write...life is so sien.....aizz......go eat....

Home Swe... home?<---きらい きらい

home....a topic i'm sure 99% wat most ppl could actually write many good things about....home sweet home some may define and some other perhaps lovey dovey home???and as the chinese new year holidayz draws near....home....is so much nearer.....for many.....

on monday....i was feeling not so well in the morning as i woke up....but still i thought it was liek normal and wasn't too much a problem.....and i went to liang wen there in the afternoon to take a quick nap but den was not able too....and nite came....after takin Jr's nasi goreng cina in coe....i couldn't even finish it(considering how i treat food)...becoz the food was problematic....it made my condition worst.....as the meeting went on...it worsen....i was drowsy and all cold and hot at the same time....din noe i was having fever already....at about 10 i really felt liek i could faint anytime....so quickly after the meeting i headed home....praying dat i'm kept safe by His hands as i drove home....

Thankfully i reached home b4 i actually felt liek collapsing....i put my hands on my forehead...n i realised it is actually.....burning.....it was already close to 11.....but i needed to shower....yet my sister who took her time slowly in the bathroom didn't care....so i just quickly did wat i agreed wif yee siong afta meeting 4 the booth things....and i'm so sorry i couldn't do better....i had only an ounce of strength left in me....as i showered and stroke my body....it felt as if i was peeling my skin off and it hurts....and i could barely stand as i find myself on the wall....as i came out of the shower....i needed to take a towel from my parent's room but they were air-conditioned soooo cold....and since i was still soggy from after-shower...i asked my sister to get the towel for me.....and here the story begins......

wat she told me??"I'm not free now....i'm busy...go take urself...."wat was she doing??doin her pathethic nonsense in front of her laptop.....she couldn't afford to take a few steps out of her room to help me get the towel...and so i forced my pitiful self to take it.....could u feel how dissapointed i was??it wasn't the 1st time in anytin.....as i thought to myself.....once she herself had fallen into a fever last year...and my parents went to sleep....askin me to check on her b4 i sleep....despite having disagreements many a times wif her....dude she was sick....i tot this is wat a brother should do....i changed her towel and check if she was ok....b4 i went to sleep....i made sure she had water beside her table if she woke up and needed to drink....and even just last week....when they were all asleep and the elctricity tripped a while in the middle of 2 am sumtin.......i took the courtesy to go and restore their air-cond...so their sleep may not be disturbed......n here's wat.....

AM I SOHAI????!!!!!MEBE BLOODY FUCKING CIBAI SOHAI??????y the fuck do i have to do this....hey!i took care of my high fever on my own....i slept at 4am peacefully...while changing the towels myself....i din ask no 1 to help me....nah!not liek any1 cared....i din even complain.....i stuck resting in my room the whole tuesday and my father tot i was playin the whole day!....even while writing this my head's spinning liek crazy!!!who would come n ask how the hell r u???n as i realized how sohai i am....truly!!if u sum up the pain in my head my body my insides!!it wouldn't even amount to the pain in my heart.....i'm so freaking disappointed.......FUCKING disappointed.......is this wat i am??a piece of shit??dat when u wan wat u wan u come n ask me and i shall provide it to u everytime??ur homeworks??drive u to ur frens hse??drive u outside to buy things???things liek dat?!and when i ask u 4 sumtin u'd gimme the bloody response "wait la....not free....bzzz???"!!and u urself would giv others the bloody black face when u get replied in dat way??!!oh sure...den u'll just say "hell i did".....humans behaviour at its best....DENIAL......

but den again....i'm the black sheep of the family...it's only logical dat things liek this happens....afta all..i'm just a failure ain't i??yeah....this is wat the world has labeled i am.....despite how disappointed i felt.....i did not shed a tear despite being a chou-do emotional person....coz none of ur damned selves deserved any......i told myself....this is prove of wat i am.....for this...i shalt only work 4 myself....all 4 myself.....putting myself in this misery......for as long as am needed....till i find wings...to free myself....since it is such.....i can only pray...dat myself be forgiven....for i hav and will go against the commandments for doing this...but i can take it no longer....no matter wat i do.....it'd be me at fault and it'd be me dat's wrong.....but i care no longer.....in fact i actually hoped i'd died sumhow or rather....but den again....wif dat thought and dead....i'd end up in hell...not sumtin worth trading becoz of them eh??

i'm so sorry.....i'm being so vulgar...but i dun really care no more....if u show me shit i will fuck u....if u show me good i will be good to u....coz i dun giv no shit anymore....not to any1......i'm tired of being treated liek an asshole....i hav temper as well....dun test me....

well to those not concern,i'm sorry for having u read such a -not me- kind of post.....thx for actually reading it....coz in the end...u might hav cared even if it's just a lil....dun worry i'm still a good person.....peace and God Bless to ya all.....just dat now.....home<->family,lies no meaning within me......

P/S:Appreciate wat ya'll ppl hav....sorry again for such a post....it has relieved me....
Wat's my raison d'etre??-1)God is ultimately my raison detre......even if i shall fail him.....
And hav a blessed happy Chinese New Year!!!!

2009

2009......
~~~~~~
1)Praying dat i can be more diligent.....more faithful to Him....
2)Praying dat sumhow my interest in the world will stop decreasing.....as in life itself.....
3)Praying dat sumhow....sumhow....i'll manage thru my life......
4)Ignoring all sorts of disappointment life brings in.....
5)Praying dat everything goes well in just about everytin for every1......
6)Praying perhaps.....this year will be the year my plans r successfully executed.....
7)Praying for a consistent good health.....for every1 in need.....and 4 my so young yet so old body......
8)Praying dat there'll be more beautiful songs ahead of this year......
9)Praying for my dearest frens who means much to me and to be able to giv a lil more time meeting up.....
10)Praying dat sumhow....the economy would not go too bad till it affects too much......
~~~~~~

わたし　の　ねがい
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~　もう　はずれ　ならない
~　わたし　の　そんざい　の　いみ　で　さがしてる　ほしい
~　もっと　にほんご　に　ｊｉｂｕｎ‐お　べんきょう　しましょう
~　かみ‐さま　に　もっと　ちかく　なりたい　んだ　
~　もっと　すごく　の　ｊｉｂｕｎ　ｊｉｓｈｉｎ　です
~　もっと　つかえる　の　任ぎぇん　に　なりたい　んだ
~　もっと　めでたし
~　こうかてき　の　ひと　で　なりたい！！
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KuRiSuMaSu no TaBiMoNo......

it's christmas and the journey begins!!!on the early morning of christmas we set out 4 our destination....butterworth!!it's our cousin sister's wedding 2molo!!!this relatives of mine all gets married very early....the older cousin sis got married when she was.....rather young....around 21 years old if i'm not mistaken.....sumhow i still remember we used to call her hamburger.....though the reason why seem to hav left my mind now....

as usual....as we headed out to the highway, i switched wif my father for driving...as i was the only 'spare' driver available.....as i sat n ease myself wif a comfortable position at the steering wheel, reminiscence of my past came back to me.....i griped the steering wheel hardly as a response to dat!!but no worries it's not liek wat u thought.....it's just...sumtin else......but driving on the PLUS highway is rather tiring......n sickening to the fact dat there's plenty of reckless drivers who hav not an ounce of patience in them....n so i drove till a persimpangan rehat sumwhere b4 ipoh b4 i switched wif my father again.....n den....

ta-daa!!!we're in pacific penang mall!!to meet my ever-so-cold brother who came down to butterworth in his frens hse the day b4 from penang.....it's been almost 1 year since i came here.....notin much has changed....still the same.....oh berlin hotel had changed to dunno wat palm pacific hotel......but we're gonna stay at some rather cheap hotel...budget!!save money....but the place is rather.....stenched coz there's a wet market outside it...just some rows away in this placed called apollo.....is my relative selling asam laksa on christmas day.....despite her daughter getting married 2molo....money is scarce and every chance to earn a lil extra is neva missed(real hardworking bunch).....life has been better for them now den b4......well her asam laksa is terrific!!most probably the best....in the beginning....now oso okla...but just the flavour is tilt to suit all kinds of ppl......but den still very nice!!

on the 26th we went to penang in the morning coz my bro need to go back to work 4 half day b4 takin leave....lolx....n while we were waiting outside PG-12 where he's working we were sighting 4 possible candidate 4 my bro....haha.....at 1st is 4 my sis....seeing which guy is applicable....just a joke made to pass time....but 80% of the gurls dat came out had guyz in nice cars waiting 4 them....lolx....sumhow it seems so familiar the style....hahaha......lunch was cendol!!awesome teochew cendol near prangin mall there......they used cane sugar ice to make the ais....no wonder leh......sumhow cane sugar is popular in penang.....but nice nice....hehe....but the loh mee there is sucks sucks sucks(no taste langsung).....actually...penang dun really hav great food.....the char kuay teow oso......i think my char kuey teow oso beta....hahahahaha.....plus penang food is exp.....but the only thing i think is nice is the fatty western food sumwhere in i dunno where.....probably the only thing i'd recognize as quite good food...lolx....most important is i got to buy my fav tao sar piah!!!!this time is the famous him heang.....go there no more big box buy....oni left small box....so early finish.....

went back to butterworth in the afternoon....as preparation 4 the dinner at the female family side is getting ready......47 tables to be exact...just the relatives on the female side......lolx......n it's a one of a kind wedding dinner.....uniqueness......one thing dat is so special in this place......is the abundance of liveliness in the people......the suasana here is so meriah.....incomparable in any other place....n the best is....my yi-po is an absolutely nice person.....alwayz so excited about us comin and all....n not to mention very 'hak hei'.....i think each day we kept eating till we drop coz they kept giving us good things to eat...lolx.....

my yi-po and yi-chiong wif cousin sis,May in her gorgeous gown and family wif tai gu ma.....

















my elder cousin sis,Yen and her 2 sons,Wei Wei and Chi Chi.....both oso so cute....hahaha....but wei wei was rather quiet and all....in front of us.....
n chi chi was soooooo good at sweet talking despite being 5 years old....haha....n really smart too.....he even asked me to come again next year n den he will giv me a flower....hahaha so cute la he.....u should hav seen him laugh.....when i tickled him...hahaha......amusing.....:P


The bridesmaid and bridegrooms walking down the aisle.....haha.....granite aisle....



hav u ever eaten a wedding dinner of this kind???well at least i haven't....haha is a great experience.....n this proves dat....wedding is not about where it's held......but how it's kept.....haha it's so lively....really.....everyone was speaking in hokkien(dun really understand...lolx....) and there was even a stage where people sing n dance on....haha....so noisy and all...so meriah.....and everyone drinking tiger beer.....lolx.....
my sis and younger cousin sis,Pei Wen and my mum...
me n my younger cousin sis.....
my bro my sis and my father......


me n my lovely mum.....

me mum and cousin sis in her next day wedding gown!!

us us!!

my yi-po who 'ng se tak' this cucu nya yang mau kahwin dah......

haha my parents yum cha.....my mum liek so happy...hahaha....

family pic wif newly weds!!

haha my toilet-freak brother freaking out in happiness after seeing the big toilet....hahaha!!the only possible time u can c him laugh liek this......unusual happening....hahahaha~!!

the wedding dinner at a primary school hall of the male's side......87 tables.....i think the bridesgroom's yi ma gu jie all oso come....hahahaha......damn a lot leh......87 tables.....

plus got indian belly dance sumore....n more singing on stage!!!......hahahahaha......damn fun wedding dinner!!the small gurl at the right damn good at it and she alwayz seems to enjoy it very much.....lolx.....

me and my younger cousin sis,Pei Wen....

after the dinner my family went down to taiping over to my father's cousin place.....n stayed there 4 the night b4 leaving the next morning.....sumhow.....though the journey is tiring...but den...it's lotsa fun...coz we hav such good relatives in the north....hehe compared to the relatives in kl.....n the biskut wangi we wan buy from sungai mas sudah habis...can't even buy 1....but the owner so good....'yong' us 1 packet ppl tempah d de...coz he noe we come from kl....haha...beta den the 323 biskut wangi......damn lc.....dun go TAIPING 323 BUY BISKUT WANGI!!hahahaha.....go sungai mas de!!well....a very happy journey!!i wan c chi chi n wei wei next year.....hahaha.....


----------------
Now playing: Avalon - We Are The Reason via FoxyTunes

tired~~~tired~~~tired~~~

new sem.....gotten pretty much more obese.....tired.....reluctant to continue life as it is.....disappointed.....n none would understand how i feel.....

holz....was empty.....pretty much stuck at home watching shows and doin notin....coz there's no job at all!!the world's recession is sooooo bad.....i hav to check my spending even tighter den b4......other den some occasional help out at my father's office...there wasn't much to do....wasted myself in shows and some games....but oso hardly play games...apparently no much mood for it.....

Watt's night is approved...good news....meaning lotsa works to come too.....christmas play is coming.....christmas is coming......many holidayz 4 this sem....meaning....many chances for procrastination.....but seemingly....the last result had much of an impact on me.....i'd actually done my revision n tutorials 4 the week....sumtin even i would shun to believe if were told....but hopefully i can keep this up....slowly n slowly....i'm changing......

well...smss reunion is on next friday.....can meet back old old frens.....hehe though sum of them may not be in malaysia currently.....but well...at least some outing 4 me....!!hopefully everytin goes well 4 me now....havin some financial crisis.....hopefully can be solved smoothly.....gotta pray!!so far everytin is still intact....so i should make efforts to do beta......hope still got......jia you every1!! and to me!!

oh well...here's the cheesecake cake dat has yet been post den....


recently....i've been listening to Round Table(sum feat. Nino)....hav very good vocalist and songs...which really suits me...:P perhaps mebe u can search sum n listen 4 urself...:P
really good songs....!!

Streusel Ordeal.....aizz......

Target Product:
1. Newyork Cheesecake
2. Apple Streusel Coffeecake....(pizza cake mebe??)

Result:
1. Masih Boleh La.....
2. Disappointing........

Ok....so 2day i was suppose to bake this 2 cakes i mentioned above.....afta 2 dayz of planning and imaginative training in my head...i presume i'd do fairly well baking 2 cakes in a day.....so i started out liek this!!


had everytin prepared already...so just start work!!but really really tired...coz yesterday nite dota till 4am.....omg.....is bad...so i fell sick 2day.....'over-tiredness'......i almost too 'lazyly-tired' to do.....but aiyoh......haha...i'm a determined man!!

ohoh!!long time no do this!!separate the egg yolk from the egg white!!!very fun loh actually...especially when u get to c ur skills in not making the yolk break...lolx!!


hand very tired.....coz manual mixing on the 'yet to be softened cream cheese'......getting it to mix thoroughly is a good way of working out the muscles of my hand...haha....tired loh....nanti dota no energy click....


my pinkish topping 4 the cheesecake!!haha my fav pink egg-o strawberry marshmallow!!!and the 'on baking' cheesecake at the back.....waiting 4 the cake to finish baking i turn to my 2nd soon to be ridiculous cake prep......the 2nd recipe very fast finish prepared d...quite simple.....yes.....really.....ridiculously simple.....


until the part where i am suppose to srpinkle the streusel topping.....but the streusel topping i made is much more liek a lump...how to sprinkle??!!wat the heck....

plus afta my cheesecake finished baking n was awaiting cooling.....i realize i hav no other baking pan.....coz cannot take the cheesecake out now.....luckily.....boleh borrow from my neighbour.....but...lolx....but my cake was suppose to be in an 8-inch pan....i oni got the smallest 10-inch pan......therefore......this is the result.....2gether wif the ridiculously streusel topping.....(u can c my creativeness in art where i have gotten notin but red marks most of the time...:P)

pizza pancake,ridiculously top-ed streuselly??

ahhh....hopefully a beta pic presentation from the cheesecake 2molo when it's done...:P...at least....should be much much beta den this dumb 'streusel" apple pizza pancake....aizz....